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[23 Nov 2009|04:48am] |
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sleep is just not an option in college. it's impossible for me to write a paper and do homework online because the social networking clusterfuck is just one click away. and that's when i wind up still here at 5 am. hopefully my old teacher doesn't realize i'm just basically rewording everything on sparknotes.com.
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[19 Nov 2009|01:45am] |
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well i seem to have lost my main folder that i use for school with only a a few weeks left in the semester. and i'm not sure but there was probably some important shit for me to remember in it. other than that, i'm just gonna cut my losses and hope that i'll be alright without it. by tomorrow i have to type up 9 pages of quotes and print them off. i have to register for my classes immediately. i need to read/sparknotes two books, write an essay about one, take a test on the other, both by monday. i have to spend a lot of time in the math lab doing homework. i have to do a project. and have to work really hard to make sure i'm passing. shoooot meeee
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[16 Nov 2009|02:53am] |
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Don’t take what I say to bed with you and don’t get used to that which I do, or you’ll only feel used in the end. Don’t weigh your heavy head with those words that I haven’t said. Don’t confuse that which I don’t do with what will be done in time. You’ve gotta wise up, for christ's sake take care of yourself. Cause a dirty boy don’t make clean breaks. Oh Sara(h), if there’s something that you want from me, just ask, you might receive. I’m gonna take some time to sift through this conflicted time and figure out why I can’t sleep. Oh my greed (?) and my guilt have surely gotten the best of me. You’ve gotta wise up, get out of this mess while you can, cause a dirty boy like me don’t fight clean. Oh Sara(h), if there’s something that you want to do with me, just ask, cause I’m up for anything.
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[12 Nov 2009|10:00pm] |
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty
No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There'll be no arguments, we'll always agree
And I'll try to be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
If you stay to long inside my memory
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I'll keep you there so that you can't bother me
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[09 Nov 2009|08:18pm] |
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too many people are carbon fucking copies. too many people are not trust worthy. too many people drive me bat shit crazy which is why i am going to be alone for the rest of my life.
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[09 Nov 2009|05:53am] |
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i just listened to the song predictable about 5 times in a row.welcome to my life.
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[08 Nov 2009|11:57pm] |
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i want to date a guy that dresses really awesome while being smart about the amount of money he spends on his clothes/not being pretentious about the clothes. sweaters, black suits, button ups, driver caps, basically whatever matt skiba wears. but still wears band shirts and dickies too someone who is really passionate about music/has good taste in music but doesn't hold an elitist attitude about it, and can enjoy embarrassing/guilty pleasure bands. i hate when people can't loosen up and just enjoy things because they're too busy judging everything.
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[08 Nov 2009|11:05pm] |
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not letting negativity get the best of me. i would give anything to go on a bike ride to shelby park right now. it feels so good outside.
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[08 Nov 2009|03:11am] |
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i'm 19. what in the fuck?
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[04 Nov 2009|03:06am] |
i'm going to need for this to be on dvd so that i can watch my life every day.
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[01 Nov 2009|07:54pm] |
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shit sucks now. a good amount of my friends have gone off to college and i can't see them when i want/need to. i'm in the worst mood and have a lot of studying tonight but i just want to get my mind off of things for an hour. i also wish you were still alive more than fucking anything. i am so ready to not be bummed out all the time...
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[29 Oct 2009|05:11am] |
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i wish that sleep wasn't something that you needed to have in order to function properly. maybe that's just a sign of how psychotic i really am?
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[28 Oct 2009|08:54pm] |
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i make a million playlists for potential mix cds for someone that i no longer have a chance with. it's really pathetic
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[28 Oct 2009|04:31am] |
i grind my teeth and know that i'm alone
sidenote: i love gallons of sweet tea, and snuggies. i hate my insomnia and reality.
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[27 Oct 2009|03:01am] |
today was fucking awesome. the touche amore show tonight was beyond good. there weren't a lot of people there which was really lame i thought but at the same time a lot more intimate and powerful. their singer has so much passion and energy in their performance. they do not have one bad song, and i loved that people who weren't into it beforehand left the show fans of the band. the last song honest sleep was fucking incredible. god, i just can't get over how good they are and how much they are doing for the hardcore scene right now. so many people are into them and i am glad to be apart of it. they're all super nice dudes. and on top of this we were there when the panera leftover baked goods were getting dropped off. devoured those pastries. now i must finish 6 chapters of math homework. watch this video though...
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[25 Oct 2009|11:46pm] |
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let me just start this off with something that actually brings me happiness and that is that i love the smiths. murfreesboro and money combined are both ruining my life. they are fucking my life over in every aspect. i have been in tears a lot. not into living like this.
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| i thought i knew who everybody was just by looking at them. my heart is anywhere but here. |
[24 Oct 2009|09:54pm] |
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i hate murfreesboro. the time goes by a lot faster living there throughout the week and is making me depressed. i sit in my poorly fluorescent lit room. sometimes i do homework, sometimes i watch movies, sometimes i am on the internet, and the other half i am asleep. i have 0 motivation to do my school work and have not even been to a good portion of my classes. part of me is mad at myself for this because i don't want to fuck myself over. part of me is too apathetic to care. i am trying my best to stay positive. but it's hard when it feels like i'm driving to god damn jail for five days when i go there. in retrospect i can't help but look at the situation and ask myself what i am doing. what is the point? i do not want to be depressed. but fuck that place.
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[22 Oct 2009|05:16am] |
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slowly becoming better at controlling my thoughts and my mind and also doing my damndest to get rid of all of the negative energy clouding my life right now. i have allowed myself to get polluted i know but it is also up to me to get over it. that, or i think i am destined to become a philosopher. it sucks because the thoughts in my head are so deep and make so much fucking sense, that i think people would be so intrigued by what i have to say. but when i try to actually say those things out loud to myself, it is embarrassing so i steer clear of it. trying to put it into words just does it no justice, at least i haven't been able to, yet. the critical and analytical obsession over humans has driven me to my breaking point. so ridiculous. i'm trying to get past the bizarre concept of what civilization and interaction has come to be and accept it for what it has become. judging every last thing about a person and trying to dissect their thought process is probably a good reason as to why i have become so poor with my social skills, even with people that i like. i think that there is too much of anything and obviously the reflection my mind has accelerated to has brought out the worst in me. not only that but i'm trying to look past the idea that nothing has any meaning. it makes sense, and is a very realist point of view. i've never wanted to consider myself a realist, though. that's the mindset i sort of transcended into from existentialism, though. i don't think that i'm the only one. that point of view does not correlate with the person i really am and i'm trying to find the meaning in my life again. it's difficult to creep back into that stage, because where i am now it's like the opposite point of view is as if you're hiding from the truth, lying to yourself, etc. and that's not how i want to live either. all i know is that i do not want to live feeling empty and miserable, and that i want to know what it means to be a truly happy person again. it's weird i have found myself at the opposite mind set of what i used to hold, but i have also learned to stop looking at the things as not so much a phase but a pattern and as me, dealing with new knowledge to grow as a person. it may take effort, but it is obtainable to me. here's to hoping i stick with this mentality
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[17 Oct 2009|03:33am] |
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how long can i possibly be in this existential crisis?
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